I’m afraid to sleep anymore
I always wake up either questioning my existence and life or crying or feeling like I should be crying or scared or something. It’s really terrifying and it’s unnerving how terrifying it is.
Here’s a sample of my nightmares for the past three nights
- Last day of school, the bus is being so unbearably slow, and when we finally get to the second bus (because I take two buses home, my school is awesome), it’s not there yet, or maybe it left already. It probably left already. So I’m sitting around, waiting for the parentals to arrive and pick me up, along with a bunch of other kids. And then there’s this gang like behind the school that we’re at, and they like torture us and they’re looking for me. Everyone covers for me, and I have my phone so I text my parents to bring 911 with them. Then the big mob bosses show up, and it’s like, we need to leave, now, or they’ll actually kill us. So we leave, and some parents start arriving, and a couple of us kids realize we need to get something from the gang or we need to do something, so we go back and nearly die. and I lose my pants in the process…. and finally my dad gets here in a bright yellow sports car (what??) and as I’m leaving, I see Mr. Hannum, sitting and smiling at me, like what. And I try to tell my dad about the gangs, and he won’t believe me, nobody does. and I’m crying, all hysterical, and now that I think about it, that’s not worthy of crying and hysteria.
- Then, I’m not sure of the context here, but I, and a bunch of other random people I know, were fighting off some magician. Everybody was like shooting energy out at him and generally trying to vaporize him and whatnot. I didn’t really do much, since I was behind everyone. Then everybody starts like dying off or something, and there are three people left standing by me, and I try to shoot him with whatever kind of energy it is, and it works. He gets all pale and dead looking, and he says, “Your energy is the weakest!” and I’m just like what…. And he dies. And then people are getting healed, and I realize we’re in my kitchen, and the healing people are like opening people’s arms up and putting in what look like ribs. I’m sitting there, watching this, and I’m like, do people’s arms have those extra bones there? I don’t think that’s what our anatomy is like. And they keep doing it, and I get more and more distressed; half because I can’t remember whether it’s a part of our natural anatomy, half because nobody is giving me the extra bones. I follow some of the healer people around and finally I see Daniel’s dad (or he was supposed to be, but I’m not sure that the guy in my dream looked like what his dad looks like), and he stares down at me all disapproving, and I want to tell him that I saved his son’s life, but then I wake up.
- This I’m not sure about, but we (I’m not sure who ‘we’ is) were either locking up a prisoner or being locked up as prisoners. There were two rooms, adjacent, but their doors were around a corner from each other. The second room had a window in the back, but both were really dark like was light even invented then or something? And then there’s this girl, and she looks in the second room and she’s like, there’s a door! The guy in charge, is like, yeah, there’s a door. And this door looks like it leads into the other room, but she goes through the door, and it’s like a portal to hell or something, but it definitely doesn’t go to the other room. The door disappears, and she comes walking back from some ungodly direction from who knows where, and she’s I don’t even know anymore. And the guy in charge lays down a bunch of straw, and he’s like, have fun. This is where I wake up, but I’m still sort of half asleep, half awake, and it feels like there are bugs crawling all over me, and I can’t shake that feeling, and it’s horrible and nasty.
- Here, we’re out camping, like for our junior camp out, but I’m not sure where we are. Then my mom takes me home, and I’m not sure where we’re going, but she’s like, yeah we’re going to make one stop. So we drive around for what feels like 10-15 minutes, but she says it’s half an hour at least, and we’ve definitely gone in a huge circle because we end up driving past a place we started at, and I’m like, mom, where are we going. Finally we pull up in a place that I didn’t know existed (and it doesn’t according to all the maps in the internet), and I look at the building window, and I read “EATING” in those huge letters. Then I look closer, and underneath it, it says “disorders” in really tiny letters. I’m like, what the fuck? And she’s like, well we’re only here because you said you weren’t hungry during lunch… And she’s not totally convinced we should be there either. So I’m just like take me home, but our car disappears, and daddy shows up, and he’s like, I’ll pick you guys up when you’re done. So we go inside, and I see a couple of graduated people walk out, and they’re like hi! Then they do double takes, and they’re like, I didn’t know you had an eating disorder, and I say, they aren’t sure yet. And one of the girls, Katya, laughs and she’s like, I went they’re and they wanted me to do counseling because they thought I was skipping too many meals (or something, I don’t remember exactly) and I was like fuck you and never came back! I kept getting Katya’s name wrong too, for some reason, and I was kicking myself over that. And the other girl was like, they brought me in to talk to me and then they were like, you can go now. So I went up the escalator and there were more graduated people, and I was talking to them uncomfortably, and I never actually got a chance to go in the office and talk to anybody. Then I woke up feeling like bugs were crawling over me.
